In my life, I’m always searching for happiness whether in good way or inappropriate way. One of the way is love. That’s sound bullshit actually.
Let see, flash back to the time that I had girlfriend before. A lot maybe. And I’m not count about girl that have been my crush yet. It was a lot. This is history. Travel to the future and shit.
I’m still not find any replacement or any girl that meets my criteria (not telling it). Yeah I’m a bit of fussy but who cares anyway. Anyway, because of this I’m still single. Screw me.
To be honest, I’m tired searching for it. Everytime I have an intention about finding a girl, it’s always end up in bad ways. I don’t how to do it anymore. It’s blank. Sometimes, I had question on my mind :
“How am I even got a girlfriend back then?”
“How can I get them easily on the past?”
I don’t know, but is it a little of luck or it’s just a coincidence? I have no idea at all. Why it looks like it was an easy job to get a girlfriend? I can’t understand it either. It’s hard to ingest that fact.
In present, I have a crush on someone (refer to the previous post) but now I don’t know if I want to chase her anymore. Tired of chasing the light that far away from me. Lost of hope I guess.
Actually, I’ve confess my feeling to her. She can’t accept it. At first, I’m still chasing her even I already know her answer but time after time, I can’t keep it up. I can’t do it anymore.
I guess she’s doesn’t mind either. Right now she has someone who have more spirit and more passion than me to chasing her. And she seems like willing to be with him. That’s hurt.
*If you’re make more effort, then you’ll get the most reward.*
But if it is her choice, I respect her decision. I’m not the one who can decide her choice. I’m just one of her crush. I’ll step down and get back to the real life. It’s hurt, but that’s the reality.
So, for now I will stop thinking about it. It gives me more pain than happiness. I hate being single for a long time, but I need to live with that. Well, we’ve been single during our childhood right?
Fuck it, I’m done.