Update 4.4

It’s been a rough week. Oh God, it hurts.

About the landslide issue, after some days working to clear the path of the highway, finally the road is open for the vehicle. I can finally going back to Kuala Lumpur in Sunday after being stuck at Jengka for 4 days.

Monday, my first day at work. I will update it later.

About Putri’s issue (that I’ve post a script about it before), she’s a special partner that I known for years. In years I can’t stop from building my feeling on her. But, she had a boyfriend.

It’s not my thing to interrupt someone else’s relationship. Yet, he think otherwise.

I already being a middle man even though I just like to spend my time chatting with her because she’s my partner in crime. She’s my place to tell a story, hear a story from her, giving advice to her, swearing battle with her.

Yes, she’s the one who swearing together with me. Yes I know swearing is bad but I don’t care. I like it. She’s my kind of love. My Instant Crush.

Then, her boyfriends find out about us. He told her to leave me even I just being like stated above. I think she have no other choice. It’s like Anjali who leaves Rahul behind and hoping Tina would take care of him. Instead, Tina’s dead.

I know, too cliche but that’s an example from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. That feeling is hurting me. My part of me is gone.

Now, a girl that I know for a while leaves me when she knows about me and Putri. I didn’t tell her because I actually unsure about my feeling towards Putri until she left. I don’t even realized that she have build a feeling at me.

“I’m sorry, I do like you but I don’t love you. My love is at Putri. Sorry for doing you like this. I didn’t mean to.”

Yes, it’s my fault. I’m sorry.

It makes me wonder, is it me who are the reason why all of my past relationship failed?

I know the answer, but I didn’t learn from it. I keep doing it countless time until I didn’t realized my actual love that always with me all the time. And I mess it up.

Putri if you read this, I want you to know that I love you. I’m not good enough for you, but I want you to be mine. Will you accept my flaw after all that I’ve done in my past? Will you accept me as my soulmate?

It’s okay.
I know the answer.
I already get used to it.

I shouldn’t write this in the first place.

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