Reality Check

*This is an epilogue for the Putri’s story. It’s a long ass script dedicated to her. It contains both usage of English and Bahasa Melayu. Also including some swearing. So, if you don’t understand, get a translator.*

She’s gone,
Out of my life.
I was wrong,
I’m to blame,
I was so untrue.
I can’t live without her love.

Okay that is a song. But, just to show basically how the story ended. The story about my life with Putri. Yes, the Putri that I mentioned earlier in my old post but the script is locked for privacy reason. For now. I will make it public when the time is right.


Because it doesn’t matter anymore. She doesn’t have anything related with me. So, assume it as my memories with her. By the way, I start writing about her during the first breakup so no need to hide the script in the first place.

“Hanya untuk menjaga hati sesetengah pihak.”

I may create a new category that compiles the related script about her so you may have a look at it later and learned a lesson from my failed relationship. I just don’t want anyone to repeat the same mistake as I do.

Why created this script in the first place?

Memories, that’s why. I want to write the remaining story about me and Putri so I would not forget it. Also, I want to elaborate some event that happened during the period but left behind. I don’t like forgetting important stories in my life.

Some say “dari mata turun ke hati” but what if the heart is already belong to someone else?

The day I realized about the mistakes that I have done, I opening Lucaspeebo’s profile (some sort of tweetfamous). I followed him on Twitter because it has good tweets obviously, mostly about love. I accidentally opened his blog and found this post. A post about loving someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend.

That’s my situation everytime I’m with Putri. She’s already have boyfriend. An obvious alert. A deal breaker. Yet, during that time she still stay with me. I don’t know if it is just an act of empathy or we both love each other so much.

But, everyone has a breaking point and unfortunately, she can’t do it anymore.

Beginning with Instant Crush. Well, just kidding.

It’s all started as Friend. Yes, friend. Every relationship starts with friend. I have been a friend of her for about four years and during that time we keep upgrading our status. From friends to best friend. Then to close friend (teman tapi mesra) and after that, partner. A special one.

That’s the real problem here. You slowly build the relationship and you can’t let it go. I keep trying to upgrade it in years and I can’t stop from building my feeling on her. I managed to make it to girlfriend but end up reverted back because she have a boyfriend. What kind of person that want to take someone’s girlfriend?

An idiot. Like me.

Otherwise, when I think more about it, I become sad. A painful sadness. Not because I didn’t love her, I’m absolutely in love with her. It’s because I’m cruel to her. I make her fall in love with me when she already have her own love. She’s attached to him for God sake.

It would be so stupid if her boyfriends doesn’t find out about us. Fortunately, he does. It’s not my thing to interrupt someone’s relationship. But I still do it. Stupid me. All because of love is blind. Love is when stupidity meets romance.

Now it’s all make sense right now, I’m the one who are the reason why all of my past relationship failed. I still didn’t learn from it. And I mess it up. No.

I fucked it up.

Right now, I don’t know what to do with her gift. Yes I got a birthday present from her. She give it to me during the one and only meeting with her. Yes I meet her only once. In four years. The barrier of distance does affecting us so much.


Say hello to my little friend. She gave it to me when she bought a souvenir (quietly) during her vacation. I think I going to give it to my little cousin. Who doesn’t like little turtle?


The shirt. I think I’m going to keep this one. It looks beautiful just like her. No pun intended.


The biggest one. The cupcake. Now you know the reason why I name our relationship as The Twelve Cupcake. Because of this twelve piece of custom-made cupcake.

Since both of us is Manchester United’s fan, she ordered it (you must thought she do it right? Wrong) just for both of us. There are also our name engraved to the cupcake that I censored it for a reason. I still have 2-3 pieces of it in the fridge but I don’t think I can finish it in my current state right now.

But hey, “membazir itu amalan syaithonirrojim”.

I don’t know if this is the ultimatum for our relationship. Because the moment I’m going to tell is happen before our breakup. But I just tell it for a lesson to everyone including me.

In Friday, the mosque in KLCC often do “solat hajat” (more like wish prayers) after “solat Jumaat”. Most of the time, I just leave right before they start the “solat hajat” to go back to office. Actually, to avoid waiting longer to get out from mosque because, that place is pack with people.

One day, my heart wants to do it so much. I managed to do it. I do wish something about me and Putri. I wish that if we’re really meant to be together, Allah will put both of us closer to the end. If not, Allah will give us peace to move on and continue life.

Then, a day later, we in a fight about our future. She’s frustrated to keep arguing with him about me. She’s tired. She can’t do it anymore. Sharing love to me and him. I don’t want to lose her but who am I to make a decision. She need to make a choice. Obviously, she choose him over me.

Without a proper farewell, she blocked me from her contact, Instagram and Twitter. She also asked his boyfriend to private his Twitter and Instagram so I wouldn’t stalking him for her news. But I don’t blame her. I deserved that. Later on, I made an epilogue script to her hoping that she will reply to my farewell.

She did. It’s the last time I have a contact with her ever since.

I guess my later wish is fulfilled. Allah is the best planner. Maybe Allah has set the best plan to both of us. Maybe she’s not my destiny. Her destiny is with him. My real one is maybe not arrive yet to my life or maybe already in front of my eyes.

Just I’m too blind to realize it.

One more thing.

The featured image. Yes, that is the actual Instagram photo of yellow Lotus in front of Bank Muamalat Kangar that starts the very first conversation between me and Putri. It had been posted on Sunday, 11 October 2013.

Memories never faded. It will stay intact no matter what you do, somewhere in your heart. Learn from your mistakes. Then it will be a sweet memories.

*Thank you for everything, sorry for everything.*


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